mental health break

Maybe it's the two years of sleep deprivation mixing with various chemicals in my brain, but for whatever reason, lately this extended breastfeeding thing has been like taking a stroll through the bad part of town. When Madeline snuggles in for her second, third, or fourth snack of the night, my mind is invaded with wild, crazy, and horrible musings. I wonder how far across the room I could throw her from a seated position. I wonder if shaken baby syndrome could be brought on by really fast rocking. And more things like that. So, I think it's time to step back and wean for both of our sakes. Perhaps this is my body's way of saying that it's time to move on.

I didn't really plan on it being my decision to end this relationship with my little girl - I've held on to the belief that Madeline would lose interest in nursing on her own for many many months, but I will admit that I don't see that event on the horizon anytime soon. Obviously, Madeline missed that memo. I'll have to do the nudging, and deal with the wrath of a toddler scorned.

I have no idea what is wrong with me or why nursing invokes such scary and negative feelings. I haven't stopped or started any medications. I'm even starting to work out regularly again. Surely other moms have been there/done that, but gosh, it's the most unsettling thing to be up alone with Madeline at 2 am and trying to keep it together. Minutes have never ticked away slower.

Comments

[Sarah]

((((laura)))) I dont think anything is "wrong with you." 2 years is a long time to be getting up every night, several times a night. It is ok to be done with that, to forge ahead into new territories. Madeleine is a beautiful, happy little girl, and this isn't going to change that!

[Helen]

hi Laura,

I still recall sleepless nights and wanting to throw Benjamin against a wall just to get him to go to sleep. I often wondered what on earth ever possessed me to want a baby. I wish you success in your effort to wean Madeline. Or more to the point, I hope you get a solid eight hours of sleep very soon and very often.

Hang in there,
Helen

[Jaime]

Been there and still there. I wish Jersey would sleep through the night or even 4 hours in a row. I think it is sleep deprivation for so long. I daydream of sleeping without interruption, is there such a thing after kids?? I am sure that the working out will help with a release.

[mamapie]

Laura - I don't think anything is wrong with you. Sleep deprivation and feeling "done" with nursing on some level, while Madeline still wants to nurse, can definitely make you feel loopy and angry - I've been there, too! Good luck with weaning. I, too, hoped Ezra would self-wean, but, alas, we needed to do mama-led nursing over here.